Seriously, though. My fingers have been working the keys right off my keyboard on the query for my newly finished wip Crucible. And this past weekend, I think I nailed it. Sarah hasn't given her approval or anything (which is mundo important to me), but I really think I've got something special.
But ... there's always "but", right?
I did it.
I said a bad word.
A really bad word.
I dropped the F-bomb in my query.
Is that okay?
The more and more I thought about it. YES. It is okay. Because the voice of the query says it all. I doesn't say something like:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Nicodemus f****** hates this world, and you should, too. LoL.
My query had to show that Nic (aka, the MC) is fed up with his world, his job, his life, and what he's been asked to do. Hence the f-bomb. Here it comes (and I'm not editing it, so watch-out!)--this is the line in my query. Well, several lines. I wish I could tell you more, but you'll just have to enjoy this little snip-it.
"So how can Nic force his flesh and blood—someone so young—to do what he does? The bringer of pain. Loss. Suffering. It’s not poetic. It’s not for the greater good of the world. It’s fucking madness."
Bamn!
Doesn't those few sentences just say it all?
Well, I hope they do.
So tell me, my dear peeps, would you drop the f-bomb in your query if the query called for it? Any cuss words at all?
~JD
18 comments:
I used "mild" words like "pissed" and "damn" in the YA query that got me an agent. It was appropriate because the MC was a rough girl and it was true to her voice. I think that if it really matches the voice, you could do it. But you are risking the agent thinking it's gratuitous, and why would you risk that if your character's actual language doesn't match what you've hinted at in the query?
It's a fine line. Queries are supposed to have voice, but you're still talking about a business letter. (And personally, I don't think it adds anything to the lines you showed. It reads as shoe-horned.)
I love the line! And I DO think it brings something to the voice. Very brave. Yeah, I'd do it.
That's a brilliant line! I wouldn't have it any other way...as long as the novel includes swears, I think you're golden. I loves it.
I think if it works, and if you know the proposed agent, then go for it! I've used 'ballsy' in a query that's gotten me several requests. I'd use stronger language if it was called for. Great job btw, I'd totally be hooked by that line in a query!
if it was appropriate sure! but you should also be sure, sure, sure to research each agent- some really feel like cuss words are always a no-no.
2 no's, 4 yes's? Well, and maybe a maybe? And the beta was on of the no's. Hmm ... I might have to rethink my query.
~JD
I'm not at the querying stage so I don;t know but the f word is such a powerful way to put across anything extreme - so I'd use it well wisely and if absolutely necessary! Take care
x
I actually like it there because it shows voice. However, like the pothers said, it is a fine line and you should query carefully:)
It works. :)
Good luck with it.
It definitely shows voice! I'm inexperienced with querying so my opinion wouldn't help you either way. Good luck!
i like it! I don't know if i would do it, but it definitely shows the voice. I heartily approve!
I haven't seen the whole query or read the book (obviously), but my gut reaction as an editor is to take it out. Or maybe change to: It's madness. Fucking madness (with this second madness in italics).
If you are on the fence try sending out some with and some without the f-bomb. Good luck!
Justine- After writing a really windy bit which included a suggestion about your query, I realized you might not appreciate my oppinion so I deleted it. If you'd like me to share just e-mail me off line.
I've read that if it matches the tone of your book, then it's a free for all, but possibly send out a few, and send what kind of reaction you garner.
Good luck! :)
Ha - that's funny! I've never used it, but then I've never had a character who would say it. Can't rule it out!
I liked it. Definitely showed voice.
Let me know what happens!
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