Worst Marketing Idea Ever--courtesy of my mother

We all live in the world of marketing. It's a digital age where people are glued to their phones 24/7 and you can't have a decent conversation or watch the news without something interrupting you.

SOMEONE is always trying to sell us SOMETHING. And it's generally a digital device.

I'm a writer, so I'm in the business of marketing myself. I don't do a very good job at it. I just like to hang around on the interwebs, blog, tweet every once and a while and write. I'm not some sort of a marketing genius. And god knows I don't write the kind of books that fly off the shelves. And I'm ok with that.

When my very first book came out, way back in 2012, my family was super stoked. I mean, obvs. It was a BIG deal.

My mother was especially stoked. She literally came up with every idea she could do market me.

"Let's send Oprah a copy of your book! Then she'll read it and put it in her book club."

Um...yeah, no. It doesn't work like that, ma.

"Send it to Ellen! She'll love it and tell her peeps about it."

Errr. Ellen really doesn't look like the romance type. And my book isn't funny. And again, it doesn't work like that, ma.

"Send it to Princess Kate! Your book is about a Dutchess, after all!"

Okay, I did actually let my mother do this. And I actually did get a response back FROM THE PALACE. I'm not kidding. A legit letter from the Princess's assistant or what-not thanking me (well, my mother) for sending her a copy of my book and how thoughtful it was. No word if she actually read it. Or liked it. I doubt it on both counts. Either way, it was legit. I framed it.

"We can put giant magnets with your books on the side of our cars."

Whoa. No. So I can look like an insurance salesman?

But my favorite worst idea she had:

PUTTING MY FACE ON A BILLBOARD. IN MY HOMETOWN. WHERE I STILL LIVE. It's not a big town, folks. And it wouldn't sell books. People here would be like, "WTH is JD doing with those racy pictures on the side of Sawmill Road?"

Just picture it:

Yup. No. Just no.

So, thanks, Mom. I love you. I know you were trying to help. PR Maven and all that. Makes me love you even more, trying to help your little girl succeed in this world of unknowns. But these ideas just ain't for me. Love ya' anyway, though. <3 nbsp="" p="">


  1. Cool the palace sent you a letter. A billboard though? No thanks!!

  2. Well, she thinks big at least! There's a lot to be said for that.

  3. The last one, the billboard, oh so funny. In fact, you just wrote here, a great skit.

    All the best to you in your writing and publishing endeavours. Hey, you never know.

  4. Really like the idea about the magnet on the side of the car!!

  5. What an awesome mom! And what loving mother would NOT want her daughter on a billboard. Our daughters ARE that great, to us!

  6. What amazing support! You make me kind of jealous. My brothers decided to launch a business that crashed the same time my first book came out...which they didn't bother to say a word about. Even though I shouted about them. *shrugs*